Difficult Conversations

How to give feedback without starting a fight

By Amira Rahman · 6 min read

Good feedback improves work, while bad feedback creates tension that lingers long after the conversation ends.

A small change in how you open the conversation changes how the other person hears it.

Five takeaways

Ask permission first: Ask before giving feedback so the other person is ready to hear it, not defend against it.
Describe behavior: Describe the behavior, not the personality, so it stays specific and fair.
Share the impact: Share the impact the behavior had so the reason for raising it is clear.
Ask what they need: Ask what they need to do better instead of telling them what they're doing wrong.
Agree on one next step: Agree on one next step before you close, so the conversation leads somewhere.

Feedback that starts a fight usually started wrong. Open with respect and it ends with progress.